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4 a.m.

Not manic. 

Just. A. Wake. 

Okay, maybe a little, a little bit manic, but that’s because I am excited and anxious and took the Adderall twice instead of the Klonopin…And I’ll admit that a more meditative state of mind with that Diet Coke would have been smarter…Either way tho the heart burns. 

I always forget there’s water.

But I’m not upset. No. That’s a fucking lie. I’m fucking pissed. I just wrote a whole God Damned post just so it could go be alone without saving and fucking die forever. Now I’m trying to salvage it but I can’t remember everything so it’s just all this bullshit. 

We can talk about the Abilify though. The little shadows that come round the corners of my eyes and the sudden emotional windfalls at the thought of an idea about what random event or news could have been the most sweetest or the most tragic thing. 

Or, I could be pregnant. But we won’t talk about THAT. Because I don’t even know if I want THAT. But just in case I do, then I don’t want to jinx THAT.

So I’m gonna stay up and slay with Flay (K.) and pack up the rest. And be fucking happy as I fade away into the dawn. That highway at my back is already as heavy as the rain gets when it busybodies its way thru the roof and play its song upon my eardrums.

I try harder not to burst because really I like it. 

Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum…

We finally outta this motherfucker. 

 

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