Suspicious as Fcuk

Is it the scripts?

Do I have false hope?

A false positive?

I can’t tell if this energy is just “normal.”

I can’t fucking tell.

My mind is now preggers with energy and motivation?

Can’t sleep much, is that the manic part mixed

with the uppers/downers/neutralizers?

I mean seriously, what the fuck is going on.

I’m kind of tired. But I only slept an hour last night,

then an hour nap today, and I’m on my period, and I’m fucking hungry,

and I was working my ass off for hours, taking kids to the park

then home to pack.

And clean and feed and nurture and organize.

Why am I being so productive. Yet still bingeing and hyper-focusing

on things like social media?

Social mediocrity?

Why do I have to blog this before I can move on with my duties?

Is this how “normal” people act?

I don’t remember.

And even when I was “normal,”

and had all the energy in the world,

the social media and online lifestyle was

nowhere near where we live in it today.

2006/2007? Those were my first Facebook years.

MySpace before that, did that even count?

Now, holy shit…and I’m still behind the social curve.

Still with the Facebook,

but now also  Instagram, Twitter,

Shapr, WordPress,

plus all of the tracking/goals/todos/etc.

I purposefully prepared packing boxes tonight before my son fell asleep,

because the tape makes so much god damn fucking noise (!)…

Haven’t utilized any of them.

It’s been 2+ hours.

I must pack one box before my bedtime.

I must NOT make my bedtime 6:30 a.m. again.

Am I becoming “normalized” thru a new cocktail of meds

to help my injured brain,

or am I

just fucking manic and having an anxiety attack about it.

Would knowing a definitive answer change the outcome

or result of my current behaviors

or flow?

I turned my WiFi off so that I would have to produce this piece offline first.

Obviously, so that I

couldn’t be distracted by other sites and or

just by fucking formatting and customizing and

Other Shit.

But the Wi-Fi is back on by now.

go back on now.

A necessary evil.

The boxes are calling.

My feet are freezing.

I better hurry.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s